PARKERSBURG, W.V – This darling little town of 30,000 holds an astounding $36 trillion dollars of debt, but it’s not the people’s fault. Allow me to explain.
Back in 1957, the Bureau of the National Debt was placed in this remote Appalachian city in case of national emergency, which presumably meant nuclear war. So, while New York, Chicago ,and DC were mushroom clouded, the federal government could continue banking.
This is why, on Tuesday morning, Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency will arrive in this pleasant hamlet to gain access to more of the comings and goings of America’s money.
The actual thing that exists here in Parkersburg is called the Central Accounting Reporting System (CARS). Some locals told me is resides in the basement of an old building in town. It’s all a little vague and spooky.
What Musk and his team want is access to the real numbers, the payouts on our debt, our collections, what money is going where. This is where the answers reside. Every single day, the thousand or so federal employees in Parkersburg track and report on that debt.
On Monday evening at the Hotel Blennerhassett, built in 1889 and still an imposing and elegant centerpiece of the area, the impending visit from DOGE was already the talk of the town.
‘This is a huge part of this city’s economy,’ one local retired attorney told me, adding, ‘We don’t know what’s going to happen to it.’
Local Democratic officials have been raising similar alarm bells, as well. Jeff Fox, the Wood County Democratic Party Chair said, ‘Our community relies heavily on the employment provided by the U.S. Treasury here in Parkersburg. The prospect of DOGE’s intervention raises serious questions about job security for our residents.’
Fair enough, except that all Musk’s DOGE team is seeking is access to data. There is nothing to suggest that the plan here is to fire anyone, except maybe for Musk’s sometimes overzealous rhetoric.
And honestly, it is that trolling rhetoric that seems to be leading to the confusion.
Musk and his team have taken to using a signature scene of the Gen X classic Office Space to explain DOGE. It is the Bobs, brought in to fire people, interrogate them as to ‘what they actually do here.’
But the point of those scenes was not that it was vital that Initech become more efficient, as the tech bros would have it. It was that Peter, the protagonist, wanted more than efficiency for his life. That is precisely why he confused them.
On the ground in Parkersburg, I cannot provide you with a black and white story of good and evil, of graft and honesty. It’s more complicated than that. It always is.
There is no apparent reason to think that Musk’s minions are rolling up to the Bureau of Fiscal Service, right across the street from the hotel, with a briefcase full of pink slips. What I saw today was a full parking lot of federal employees’ nice cars outside the building. These are people showing up.
Instead, what Musk really wants is a look under the hood of federal debt, and Parkersburg is absolutely its service station. There may be legitimate concerns about sensitive information contained within, but if President Trump has tasked Musk to suss it out, then he’s allowed to do that.
I drove across the mountains to Parkersburg in my spunky red Mitsubishi Lancer because it’s the kind of place I like to report on. This DOGE intervention was icing on the cake.
I don’t know what, if anything, local reaction will be to Musk’s DOGE invasion of Parkersburg Tuesday, but I’m here so I can find out.
Our federal government is probably the biggest and most important thing that has ever existed in the world. It won global wars hot and cold, it landed on the Moon, its glory knows no bounds.
But all of that was funded in Parkersburg, West ‘By God’ Virginia, and this week, Donald Trump and Elon Musk will be going through the receipts.
Nobody likes an audit, but maybe it’s time.
